AIBU to expect my partner to share weekend family time and childcare?

[Mummsymun]

DP and I have been together 2 years. I have a 5 year old son. Dp is lovely with DS, and DS loves him. Ds still sees his dad 50% of the week. He is usually with him Tuesday - Friday and then with me Friday to Monday.

I work in a school as a TA which is quite stressful. DP is a doctor in A&E but is off every weekend.

I’m being to become upset with how much freedom DP is telling me he has. He organises occasional days out with his friends at the weekend (when ds is here) and never wakes up in the morning. He usually lies in til about 10 even though I’ve been up with ds since 7. He claims he’s tired and he’s entitled to lie in. Which I do understand but as part of the family shouldn’t be want to spend time with us?

He’s going out today to see his friend. He got up at 930 and will be leaving at 11. I’m just so sad that he seems to want to do stuff without us at the weekend.

When I tell him I’m tired he says that I’m a mum and it’s my responsibility to look after ds. Dp contributed financially and will spend days out with us but has said he won’t look after ds if I want to go out at the weekend (I have to leave him with my mum)

He says my “break” is 50% of the week when ds isn’t here and that other mums don’t get this “break”.

Aibu to think he should at least get up with us and spend time with us as a family?

She says he does spend days out with them

He just organises occasional days out with his friends at the weekend and doesn't wake up at 7am to spend time with them.

Nobody wants to get up at 7am to parent their girlfriend's 5 year old.

If she thinks she can do better, as a low paid single mother, than a doctor who loves her son, financially supports them, spends time with them but occasionally spends some time with his friends and sleeps in at the weekend.. good luck to her, is all I will say!

You’ve only been with the guy for a years - why the hell are you living with him? My kids only just met my boyfriend after 18 months. You do not move a man in when you’ve got a kid and have only been with him 2 years.

And he is right. It’s your kid. He shouldn’t be taking on a parent role and you have half the week without your kid.

If you do have kids with this man, you’ll be absolutely wrong to say he has to do all the wake ups whilst you laze about in bed. When he has a child, he should be doing half the work for that child. Half the early rises. You need to do the other half. He doesn’t have a child right now so he has no need to wake up at 7am at the weekend to entertain your kid when you’ve already had half the week off from parenting.

I don’t expect him to do childcare. I resent the fact he says he has all this freedom and doesn’t offer to help me.
He does have all this freedom... he doesn't have kids. You do. That was your choice. You have 50% of the week already child-free.

we do live together. Like I said he is involved but he says he “deserves” a lie in at the weekend.
He does deserve a lie in... I'm pretty sure he works damn hard M-F. It's very telling how in your OP you mentioned that YOUR JOB is stressful but didn't mention his was stressful.

I think it’s unfair to ds who’s excited to spend time with DP and then dp goes out all day and doesn’t get back until around 8 when ds is asleep
I don't think you should have a partner if you're trying to guilt him into spending all his free time with your child. He isn't his parent. I say this as a step-parent. I obviously did family things with my now DH and DSS but it was HUGELY important that I wasn't there all the time... they needed to spend time together without me imposing all the time. My DH never once expected me to get up at the weekends with DSS so he could have a lie in. I naturally wake earlier but honestly DH was always up also... thats parenting.

I’ve told him if we have children I’ll be having lie ins and he can do all the get ups like I’ve been doing now!
ALL THE GET UPS? Honestly he'd do well to run now. You sound like you don't want to parent at all. If you had kids together then you should SHARE responsibility. Neither of you shiuld do ALL the get ups.

You shouldn’t even consider more children if you find one child for half the week so very exhausting. Seeing you complain about caring for your own child by yourself I doubt your boyfriend will want any with you either.

He isn't your son's father and you aren't "a family" . Your son has an involved father and you get 3 full days and nights child free. Plus your mum will occasionally babysit at the weekend if you want to go away with friends. You have a really sweet deal!

If I had no kids I would sure as hell not be getting up at 7am to look after someone else's. Not would I be babysitting on my previous weekend so the child's actual parent could go swanning off.

You only see your child for an extended weekend. Why do you want more time away from them?

Some (not all) weekends your boyfriend sees his mates. That's fine and healthy. Your son might not see him those days but that's fine. Your son is there to spend time with YOU. The one on one time is special, make the most of it.

I agree. It’s more about the meanness of spirit than anything else.

She doesn't even do all the early get ups with her own kid to be fair. She wakes up with him on Saturday and Sunday which probably isn't even at 7am considering he doesn't have school..she probably gets up with him early on a Monday morning for school, his dad does this the rest of the week..only thing she needs to get up early for in the week is her own job. Her other half works in a hospital and probably gets up way earlier than 7am to work a full day, he's lucky to get every weekend off but I bet that Monday to Friday he does long days for them to accommodate his work free weekends

Please, whatever you do op, do not get pregnant by this man!

does your partner do any house work, contribute money (a decent amount towards the bills, shopping etc?).

i imagine he doesn’t. Hes not really a good partner. He’s literally a cocklodger living with you and enjoying the perks of a clean house, bills paid and sex when he want with no responsibility. Terrible way he treats you and your child. In two years, if he has not accepted the father role, hes not going to. You have his kids and your lad will be left out. Get rid

'A ta is a very stressful job especially in schools at the moment'.
Really, part time13 weeks holiday. They work with a classroom teacher who does the lesson planning. They have breaks
I was a single parent. I worked full time, the job was demanding, and I had 6 weeks holiday to plan childcare.
In relation to this post, her partner is an A&E doctor working full time and rotored some weekends. No comparison. The fact is that it is not his child, the Mother has him only half the week and moans because he will not look after her son is sad, he is right, and she needs to be a Mother to the son when she has him.
He has every right to get up at 10 am and go out with his friends.
I hope she does not have a child with this man, in my opinion she is lazy.
This man is not the Father of the child, he is kind to him though. His own Father has him 50/50. I think she had a cheek to say if they have a child, he will be doing everything in the night. This probably won't happen because he will leave this relationship if she carries on like this.

You are SOOOO right! Lol

I can see why you’re upset, however I don’t disagree with your partner. It isn’t his son, and he has a very stressful and busy job with long hours.

I actually think the issue is the contact arrangements with sons Dad, why does he get EVERY weekend off to do as he pleases?

I would explore options around contact to give you more time with partner on weekends /have a break with not working. Then plan how things work as a family with partner and son.

I would also be upset about partner not offering any support ever though with your son, but at the moment it sounds unbalanced with sons Dad.

He is a full time doctor in A&E and she works part time as a TA. I hardly think he’s sitting by allowing her to pay all the bills, do you?
The money is irrelevant to the childcare/family time issue anyway.

Why is she so desperate for this man who is not related to her child, to have him solo? I am a mother to two children and I certainly would not leave them in the care of an unrelated male.

Arent we always told on mumsnet how doctors are on low wages?

Also, a few people have repeated that op is part-hime but I have re-read the op a few times and cannot see reference to where it days she is part time. Where does op say she is part-time?

All TAs work part time. Usually 30-32 hours a week, 39 weeks a year

Where does op say she is part-time?
She is a teaching assistant... the job is inherently part time by virtue of extensive holidays (when the OPs son is at his Dad's so she can have loads of lie ins).

Are you high? 🤣🤣🤣

OP you don't sound like you like your boyfriend at all tbh. Working full time in A&E must be horrifically stressful and exhausting. Poor guy coming home from that to someone who's resentful that he's not leaping out of bed at dawn to parent a child that isn't his.

Why don't you ask your son's actual dad if he can occasionally have DS on a weekend?

YABVVU. I hope your bf realises that he needs to run and should definitely not have children with you. You sound lazy and should absolutely not have another child as you clearly can't manage even just having 1 part time!

Thiugh he clearly isn't interested in parenting your child which is fair so I do wonder why he's taken up with a single mother. He would probably be better off with a child free woman who has as much freedom as himself to do stuff as a couple. It doesn't really sound like this relationship will last- it doesn't sound like you spend much time together.

No I know of quite a few doing 16-20 hours, and one day a week they don’t work too.