Help

[Bartop]

Sorry but a long post!
I have been drinking heavily for the past 7 years, at weekend with my husband, although he does not know the full extent, usually out for dinner, 1 bottle but I keep 2 bottles to drink when he goes to bed (usually only drink 1 so 2 bottles on a Fri, Sat and Sun night) during the week I drink 1.5 bottles of wine after he goes to bed, always made work no issues there, but when on holidays when I am allowed to let my hair down, I lose control, I know I have a problem, on holiday I found myself beside a highway in America planning to throw myself in front of a truck (devistated that I felt like this) my husband came and got me and I broke down telling him the whole story, he was angry, quite rightly so but the next morning we spoke and I agreed I would go and speak to my GP when we got home and he would support me. I did speak to my GP and she told me not to stop but to cut down but my DH has insisted that I go cold turkey and has been keeping me away from alcohol and I am terrified of the problem of serious withdrawal, I am back to secretly drinking again until I get my referral to the addictions services, what do I do, do I be honest and tell him I am drinking or secretly try and drink until I get an appointment?

Hi OP, I'm sorry you're struggling.

So, DH told you to go to the GP who gave you their professional advice. DH is not a professional. So, you've done as he asked and followed advice so he has no right to be angry. Maybe remind him of this point because he's probably acting angry out of fear but the GP will know better than he does re: how to handle things, atm.

Did the GP tell you what 'cut down' meant? Maybe you can communicate this with DH until your addiction referral comes through.

Sorry to hear you’re going through this. I suspect your secret drinking won’t stay secret for long, so much better, if you can, to have a conversation with DH before it all comes out.

I agree you need to have a plan for what “cutting down” looks like - a clear tapering quantity, rather than just a vague goal of “drinking less” which (speaking as a former drinker) is a nice idea but probably won’t happen
Good luck - I hope your referral comes through soon

There’s a good reason you should taper rather than stop abruptly which can be v dangerous. As has been said, your DH insisted you seek medical opinion but you’re now expected to ignore it? It’s only a matter of time before DH discovers you’re secretly drinking as you will smell of it. Maybe return to your GP and tell your DH? Your GP might allow you to do a home detox and prescribe a tranquilliser to manage the withdrawals. Tell DH this is your intention and show you’re taking it seriously. Would you feel comfortable if he went with you? Could you be open and honest with him there? Best of luck.

We are currently sleeping in separate beds which I hate TBF, so he wouldn’t smell it, I did ask him to go but we were on 1st day back from holiday so he had to work, I am just so terrified of stopping suddenly because of the implications but I think he thinks it’s just so I can keep drinking which it isn’t, I want, need to do this for the sake of my family but do not want to put myself in any more danger than I currently am, I told him the morning after I was at the highway that I needed support and I think he thinks this is what he is doing but he really doesn’t understand, he just thinks it is like when he stopped smoking, cold turkey and you will be ok, I was a bit bored tonight as this is one of the nights we would be out for dinner doing things and he commented that I could not just be moody all of the time 😢

Have you told him clearly that going cold turkey from alcohol can lead to people being dangerously unwell (seizures, delirium) if physically dependent? I would maybe print off some NHS resources on the topic so he can actually see. Or get him to make his own GP appt so he can discuss the topic and access support himself.

Contact Drinkline if you need to speak to someone 0300 123 1110

Yes, you’re right, he doesn’t understand. You will not have control of your moods given what you are drinking; and more importantly you could be at serious risk if you stop drinking abruptly. Do you have the funds for private rehab or could you tell a sensible friend or family member what is going on?

Yes I completely understand - I feel like i want to die because it would be better than living then i feel guilty because people are dying of cancer etc but i just can’t help it x